The One Who Stands Within

In December of 2004, John O'Donohue talked to our Masters Forum audience about leadership. And, while acknowledging that leaders need to possess certain skills, he focused on the seven personal qualities he thought underpinned all truly successful leaders.

"The first quality that I would like is that a leader would have an inner life - the person wouldn’t be just an outside, external functionary.

"Secondly, they would have a quality of vulnerability. I don’t mean vulnerability in the sense that they are assailable from every corner, but when you’d look in their eyes, you would know that they knew what it was like to be vulnerable.

"Third, I like a leader to have a bit of solitude, a very rare thing in our times. It’s hard to find it, and a lot of people are terrified of it, and they’ll run from it, but a person that can’t endure their own demons or know them, or have a secret place where they can meet them, can’t be trusted fully in the interaction of combat, where power is the question.

"A fourth thing I like in a leader is imagination and vision. Vision is vital. A vision is something that links together the gift of your own individuality with the need that is where you are, it links gift and hunger together in a way that links the best in you toward the best in them. Vision can only be developed if you are awake to the blessings and the potential of your own mind.

"Fifth, a leader has to have character. A person who has character is someone who is not a prisoner of their own ego and limitations.

"Sixth, a leader is someone who has the gift of compassion as well as the ministry of encouragement. It’s amazing when you think of some of the gifts and abilities that you have, if you hadn’t got that old praise or recognition or encouragement, you might never have crossed over into your own gift.

"The seventh thing I think a leader should have is the quality of listening. Heidegger said that true listening is worship, and it’s amazing, actually. It’s amazing to be listened to. When you’re truly listened to, a burden and all kinds of old false layering falls away from you completely."

He went on to say that we can't fully develop these inner qualities until we shed the notion that we are the sum total of where we've been and what we've accomplished, and somehow get in touch with who we really are, or the one who stands within.

"Identity is being reduced to biography, whereas in actual fact identity is a far more sublime, substantial, and sophisticated concept. . . . Meister Eckhart says, 'There is a place in your soul that neither time nor space nor no creator’s thing has ever touched.' There’s a place inside you where no one has ever got to you, where no one has ever damaged you, where you have a niche of tranquility and natural serenity, and a courage and a hope that can never be taken from you. And I think that the intention of prayer, creativity, and true leadership is to somehow bring you into that place within you."

Conversation:

• Who is the one who stands within you? How is that person like the one you present to the world? Different?
• How have you been vulnerable? How has it shaped you?
• Is solitude something you avoid or cherish? Explain.
• How are you impacting those around you with the ministry of encouragement? Or not?
• How is true listening worship?

Afterwords:

"Nothing resembles the language of God so much as does silence." - Meister Eckhart

"You must have a room or a certain hour of the day or something where you do not know what is in the morning paper. A place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. At first you may think nothing's happening. But if you have a sacred space and take advantage of it and use it everyday, something will happen." - Joseph Campbell

"There is a deep power in which we exist whose beatitude is accessible to us. Every moment the individual feels invaded by it is memorable. It comes to the simple and lowly, it comes in the form of serenity...when it breaks through the intellect it is genius; when it breathes through the will it is virtue, when it flows through the affections it is love." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Perhaps You Have Things to Unsay?

Benjamin Zander is the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, author of a wonderful book on living a full life titled The Art of Possibility, and one of the most inspiring speakers in the world today. In the photo above, he is shown in the process of delivering the final address at this year's World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. He closed that presentation by relating a story he was told by a woman who had survived her stay in Auschwitz - the most notorious of the Nazi death camps:

"She said she was brought to Auschwitz when she was fifteen and her brother was eight. On the train that took them there, she saw that her brother had no shoes. She told her brother - 'Why are you so stupid. Can't you keep your things together - for goodness sake' - the way a sister would speak to a brother. Unfortunately, that was the last thing she said to him in her life. Her brother did not survive. Once she came out of Auschwitz, she made a vow and it was: 'I will never again say anything that can't stand as the last thing I will ever say.' "

In J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, there is an encounter between Gandalf and Saruman in which Gandalf says:

"What have you to say that you did not say at our last meeting? Or, perhaps you have things to unsay?"

Conversation:

• What is something you need to say to someone important in your life, but haven't? Will you do it? When?
• What is something you need to "unsay" to someone in your life, but haven't? Will you do it? When?

Afterwords:

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." - Harriet Beecher Stowe

"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?" - Stephen Levine

"You can't do a kindness too soon, for you never know when soon will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If there's any good thing I can do or any kindness that I can show to any person, let me do it now, let me not defer or neglect it, for I may not pass this way again." - Traditional Benediction:

What Do You Know of What You Speak?

In early 1838, Ralph Waldo Emerson, a Unitarian minister at the time, was asked to address the graduating class of the Harvard Divinity School. The address was to be given on July 15th. Ironically, he got the invitation only a few days after he had decided to leave the ministry because he felt that organized religion could no longer command respect. Still, Emerson accepted the invitation, and on a beautiful July evening in Boston he spoke to the audience of seminarians about to enter the active Christian clergy. Most of what he said that night was the standard stuff of commencement addresses. One thing, though, stood out. He told a story about bad preaching.

“I once heard a preacher who sorely tempted me to say, I would go to church no more. Men go, thought I, where they are wont to go, else no soul entered the temple in the afternoon. A snow storm was falling around us. The snow storm was real; the preacher merely spectral, and the eye felt the sad contrast in looking at him, and then out of the window behind him, into the beautiful meteor of the snow. He had lived in vain. He had no one word intimating that he had laughed or wept, was married or in love, had been commended or cheated, or chagrined. If he had ever lived and acted, we were none the wiser for it. The capital secret of his profession, namely, to convert life into truth, he had not learned. Not one fact in all his experience, had he yet imported into his doctrine. This man had plowed, and planted, and talked, and bought, and sold; he had read books; he had eaten and drunken; his head aches; his heart throbs; he smiles and suffers; yet was there not a surmise, a hint, in all the discourse, that he had ever lived at all. Not a line did he draw out of real history. The true preacher can be known by this, that he deals out to the people his life - life passed through the fire of thought. But of the bad preacher, it could not be told from his sermon, what age of the world he fell in; whether he had a father or a child; whether he was a freeholder or a pauper; whether he was a citizen or a countryman; or any other fact of his biography. It seemed strange the people should come to church."

Emerson's preacher failed - at least in Emerson's eyes - because his discourse left Emerson asking himself: "What does he know of what he speaks?"

In today's world, we are bombarded by preaching - religious and otherwise. And, as the words rain down, a lot of us never think to ask "What does she know of what she speaks?" If we would, though, we could quickly separate the preachers who truly know from the legion who don't. One way to approach this issue is to simply ask anyone who's preaching to you "How do you know that?" Another is to use a simple tool - The Bullshit Detector - from author and economist Thomas Sowell:

"Much of the self-righteous nonsense that abounds on so many subjects cannot stand up to three questions: Compared to what? At what cost? What are the hard facts?"

There is a flip-side to this coin, of course, and it concerns our own preaching.

Conversation:

• When you are teaching or preaching or selling or otherwise giving advice, do you routinely provide evidence that you know of what you speak? If so, how do you do it? Is what you provide sufficient? How do you know?
• If not, what is a case you can make for doing so? If you are able to build a strong case in favor of doing this, how would you go about making it a habit?
  

Afterwords:

"I am not ignorant that when we preach unworthily, it is not always quite in vain. There is a good ear, in some men, that draws supplies to virtue out of very indifferent nutriment. There is poetic truth concealed in all the common-places of prayer and of sermons, and though foolishly spoken, they may be wisely heard." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Some people do not listen to a speaker unless he speaks mathematically, others unless he gives instances, while others expect him to cite a poet as witness. And some want to have everything done accurately, while others are annoyed by accuracy. Hence one must be already trained to know how to take each sort of argument." - Aristotle

"After having propounded his famous theory of relativity, Albert Einstein would tour the various Universities in the United States, delivering lectures wherever he went. He was always accompanied by his faithful chauffeur, Harry, who would attend each of these lectures while seated in the back row! One fine day, after Einstein had finished a lecture and was coming out of the auditorium into his vehicle, Harry addresses him and says, 'Professor Einstein, I've heard your lecture on Relativity so many times, that if I were ever given the opportunity, I would be able to deliver it to perfection myself!' 'Very well,' replied Einstein, 'I'm going to Dartmouth next week. They don't know me there. You can deliver the lecture as Einstein, and I'll take your place as Harry!' And so it came to be ... Harry delivered the lecture to perfection, without a word out of place, while Einstein sat in the back row playing 'chauffeur', and enjoying a snooze for a change. Just as Harry was descending from the podium, however, one of the research assistants intercepted him, and began to ask him a question on the theory of relativity ... one that involved a lot of complex calculations and equations. Harry replied to the assistant 'The answer to this question is very simple! In fact, it's so simple, that I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it!'" - Source Unknown

The "Daymaker"

David Wagner is a world-renowned hair stylist, artist, entrepreneur, educator, and "Daymaker." He is the Owner/Daymaker of Juut Salonspas, the original Aveda salons. He defines a daymaker as:

"A person who performs acts of kindness with the intention of making the world a better place."

David has written a book titled Life as a DAYMAKER: How to Change the World Simply by Making Someone's Day. He opens it with a story that set him on his path.

It only takes a moment to make someone's day - to become a daymaker - and sometimes those moments even change lives as I discovered a number of years ago. I was working in my salon one day when a client came in to have her hair styled. I was surprised to see her, since it was right in the middle of her five-week period between hair cuts. I figured that she must have an important social engagement , so I asked her about her evening plans. “I don't have anything special going on,” she told me. “I just want to look and feel good tonight.”

I gave her a great scalp massage, then shampooed and styled her hair. During our 30 minutes together, we joked and laughed. At the end, she smiled radiantly, hugging me goodbye.

A few days later when I received a letter from this client, I began to realize the enormous potential of Daymaking. My client admitted that she had wanted her hair styled so it would look good for her own funeral. She had planned to commit suicide that evening. But the wonderful time she had during our appointment had given her hope that things could get better. She decided to check herself into the hospital and get professional help. She thanked me for caring, even though I hadn't known what she was going through. She wrote “thank you for being there, without knowing that you were.”

I was stunned. I had spent time with this woman about once a month for three years, yet that day I had no inkling she was so distressed. I was glad to have made such a difference, yet the experience left me with an enormous sense of responsibility. What if I had been upset, distracted, or hurried when she came to see me?

That experience made me take stock of myself as a stylist and as a person. How many of the ten clients I saw every day might be in personal crisis that I would never know about? Even if it were only one person a day, I might have no way of knowing who needed some extra attention. I resolved to treat every person I met like that woman. It might sound like a lot of work, but it wasn't hard to have fun with my client that day. It was natural and made my day brighter, too. I vowed to give care and attention to everyone I saw. I figured it would make their day a little better, and who knows, it might save a life.

I still thank my client for the gift of that letter because it changed my life as much as my kindness changed hers. When you realize the difference you can make for others, whether by spending a light-hearted half-hour together, giving them a smile, or simply holding the door open for them, your whole approach to life shifts. Why have random acts of kindness when we can have intentional acts of good will?

I choked up when I first heard that story. Then my thoughts drifted to these words from The Talmud which I believe are absolutely true:

"To save one life is as if you have saved the world."

Finally, I landed on the last sentence of David's story:

"Why have random acts of kindness when we can have intentional acts of good will?"

Intentional. On purpose. Why not give it a try? Pick a day - any day. And for that day, swear an oath to do all you can to make the day of each and every person who crosses your path. Now you'll probably never know the effect you had on the folks you met that day. That's okay. The real question is how did you feel about yourself at day's end? My guess? Good enough to do it again the next day . . . and the next. Keep it up, and it won't be long until daymaking becomes your default option for dealing with people.

There are, of course, folks that seem to be daymakers by nature. One of these was Murray Barr, a homeless man from Reno, Nevada. Malcolm Gladwell wrote an article for The New Yorker on Murray titled "Million-Dollar Murray." It's a great read. Here's the link.

Conversation:

• What struck you most about David Wagner's story? Murray Barr's?
  
• Is there a way either or both relate to your life or work either now or back when?
• Would you like to be a daymaker? If so, how will you make it happen? Further, what are some things you might do to undermine your best intentions?
  

Afterwords:

"When you can do a common thing in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world." - George Washington Carver

"When a man begins to have a vision larger than his own truth...he begins to become conscious of his moral nature." - Rabindranath Tagore

"I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning." - J. B. Priestly

"Spirituality means waking up. Most people, even though they don't know it, are asleep. They're born asleep, they live asleep, they marry in their sleep, they breed children in their sleep, they die in their sleep without ever waking up. They never understand the loveliness and the beauty of this thing that we call human existence." - Anthony de Mello, Jesuit Priest

"We need one another when we would be comforted. We need one another when we are in trouble and afraid. We need one another when we are in despair, in temptation, and need to be recalled to our best selves again. We need one another when we would accomplish some great purpose, and cannot do it alone. We need one another in the hour of success, when we look for someone to share our triumphs. We need one another in the hour of defeat, when with encouragement we might endure, and stand again. We need one another when we come to die, and would have gentle hands prepare us for the journey. All our lives we are in need, and others are in need of us." - George Odell, Unitarian Minister

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Drunkard Disciple

In a recent Warrior of the Light newsletter Paulo Coehlo, author of The Alchemist, tells the following story which is titled The Drunkard Disciple:

A Zen master had hundreds of disciples. They all prayed at the right time, except one, who was always drunk.

The master was growing old. Some of the more virtuous pupils began to wonder who would be the new leader of the group, the one who would receive the important secrets of the Tradition.

On the eve of his death, however, the master called the drunkard disciple and revealed the hidden secrets to him.

A veritable revolt broke out among the others.

"How shameful!" they cried in the streets, "We have sacrificed ourselves for the wrong master, one who can’t see our qualities."

Hearing the commotion outside, the dying master remarked, "I had to pass on these secrets to a man that I knew well. All my pupils are very virtuous, and showed only their good qualities. That is dangerous, for virtue often serves to hide vanity, pride and intolerance. That is why I chose the only disciple whom I know really well, since I can see his defect: drunkenness."

Please don't jump to the conclusion that this is a story about whether you can trust "drunkards" or not; that's a whole different conversation. This is a story that asks the question, "How can I trust you, if I don't really know you?" And that question begs another, "How can you come to really know another person?"

The answer to the first question is "You can't." The answer to the second is you can never really know another person - not even those closest to you - but you can come to know most of the people in your life well enough to know whether you can trust them or not.

The notion that it’s important to be able to build trust with others is one of the latest “silver bullets” ricocheting off the walls of corporate America. As a result, books on trust, seminars on trust, and consultants that say they can help a company create a high trust culture in ten easy steps are in high demand. This is hogwash!

There is no formula or set of skills that you can master to help you build trust with others. Trust building is a raw, organic process that consists of spending whatever time it takes to tell our stories to others and listen to theirs. And, I don’t just mean stories that flesh out our resumes. I mean stories that tell where we came from, and where we dream of ending up; stories that shed light on the paths we’ve traveled - triumphs and tragedies alike; stories that reveal not only what’s on our mind but also what’s in our heart.

Then, at the end of the storytelling, or when we’ve gotten to know each other from as many different angles as possible, we get to decide whether we trust each other or not. And, if we’ve been really truthful with each other, a genuine trust relationship is almost always the result.

Conversation:

• What is trust?
  
• How is it created?
  
• In what, or whom, do you trust?
  
• How freely do you extend trust to others?
  
• How can others earn your trust?
  
• How do you react if someone violates your trust?
  
• Will you ever be able to trust that person again? Why or why not?

Afterwords:

"Let us approach our friend with an audacious trust in the truth of his heart." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Freedom is about being vulnerable to one another, realizing that our ability to connect is more important than feeling secure, in control and alone." - Eve Ensler

"If you are to judge a man, you must know his secret thoughts, sorrows, and feelings; to know merely the outward events of a man’s life would only serve to make a chronological table — a fool’s notion of history." - Honoré de Balzac

"Conversations are efforts toward good relations. They are an elementary form of reciprocity. They are the exercise of our love for each other. They are the enemies of our loneliness, our doubt, our anxiety, our tendencies to abdicate. To continue to be in good conversation over our enormous and terrifying problems is to be calling out to each other in the night. If we attend with imagination and devotion to our conversations, we will find what we need; and someone among us will act—it does not matter whom—and we will survive." - Barry Lopez - Eden Is a Conversation (closing remarks at Quest for Global Healing, Ubud, Bali, Portland Magazine Autumn, 2006)

"We are not as near each other as we would like to imagine. Words create the bridges between us. Without them we would be lost islands. Affection, recognition and understanding travel across these fragile bridges and enable us to discover each other and awaken friendship and intimacy. Words are never just words. The range and depth of a person's soul is inevitably revealed in the quality of words she uses. When chosen with reverence and care, words not only describe what they say but also suggest what can never be said." - John O'Donohue, Beauty

And then . . . Jesus Wept

Near the beginning of The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth ....

Jesus was delivering the sermon to His disciples, and a large crowd. He was in the role of teacher. They were students. What you just read is part of the Beattitudes. The rest of His sermon covered: the metaphors of Salt and Light; the reinterpretation of the Ten Commandments; a discourse on ostentation; the Lord's Prayer; a discourse on judgementalism; and a discourse on holiness.

That's a lot to learn in one sitting. The disciples did it, though, and spent the rest of their lives carrying the Word to world.

For a moment, imagine the disciples responding to Jesus' teaching in a slightly different way that day on Mt. Zion.

Simon Peter: "Do we have to write this down?"
Andrew: "Are we supposed to know this?"
James: "Will this be on the test?"
Philip: "What if we don't remember this?"
John: "The other disciples didn't have to learn this."
Matthew: "When do we get out of here?"
Judas: "What does this have to do with the real world?"

Jesus wept.

Many years ago, I was trying to figure out why people listening to the same presentation could react so differently. I was perplexed because the feedback we collected from the audience after each of our Masters Forum sessions varied so much. For example, some would say a particular session was valuable. Others would say it was not. Some would say the ideas could be easily applied. Others would say they could not. And, even if the lion's share of the audience gave the session the highest rating possible, there would still be a few that gave it near the lowest. Jim Collins was a speaker in our series at the time I was scratching my head over this, so I took him aside just before he went onstage and asked him what he thought. He said:

"It doesn't matter so much where the speaker is speaking from. What really matters is where the audience is listening from."

Why didn't I think of that? I guess that's why he's one of the shining stars in the guru universe, and I'm not. There are many other reasons for this, of course.

Jim's answer cleared up some other things as well. For example, once in awhile we would a get comment like, "The room was too cold." Another was, "The speaker struck me as sexist, so I didn't listen to a word he said." Still another, "The speaker didn't say how I could apply her ideas to my specific situation."

Another star in the guru universe is Peter Block. He says that this type of feedback indicates that there are members of the audience who show up with the notion that they can simply sit and listen; that the speaker is responsible for their learning. As a result, they fail to engage. And, as a result of that, they fail to learn. Peter has devised an antidote to deal with this sort of attitude and behavior. At the beginning of almost every presentation he gives, he asks each member of the audience to answer the four questions that follow, and then share their answers with two or three people sitting near them:

• How valuable an experience do you plan to have over the next hour or few hours? Rate it from lousy to great.
• How engaged and active do you plan to be?
• How much risk are you willing to take?
• How much do you care about the quality of the experience of those around you?
  

Peter says that even if some people respond negatively to all of these questions, at least they go forward with their eyes open. And, in all fairness to the speaker, must assume responsibility for not learning as much as they might have.

Conversation:

• How do you typically show up for meetings? Are there any exceptions to your habitual ways of being in the room? What is it about those meetings that create the aberration in your behavior?
  
• Which of Peter's four conditions for showing up are you least likely to meet? Expecting to receive value? Being active and engaged? Taking risks? Helping others learn? Explain.
• Do you see a reason to show up differently at meetings you attend in the future? If so, what will you do and how will you do it?
• How would you like people to show up for meetings you are conducting? Is there a way you can make it happen?
  

Afterwords:

"That same day, Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. And great crowds gathered about him so that he got into a boat and sat there, while the whole crowd stood on the beach. And he told them many things in parables, saying: 'A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where there was very little soil, and they sprang up right away, since there was no depth to the soil. But when the sun arose, they were scorched, and since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell upon thorns and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds yet fell on good soil and brought forth grain, some a hundred fold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears, let him hear.' " - Matthew 13: 1-9

After Action Reviews

Some 25 years ago, the U.S. Army began to develop a learning methodology to help leaders at all levels bring their teams to high levels of operational readiness in the face of rapidly changing, complex, and unpredictable situations. The process is called AAR - After Action Review - and was born at the U.S. Army's National Training Center at Fort Irwin, California. The main idea is simple: after a training exercise - or a real combat situation - everyone who takes part sits down to actively discover what happened and why. This differs from a critique, which typically gives only one viewpoint, focuses on what went wrong, and prevents a candid discussion of events by participants. AARs can be formal - planned in advance, long, complex, professionally facilitated, aimed at large units, etc. - or informal - on-the-spot, down and dirty, leader facilitated, aimed at small units or individual soldiers, etc.

Does it work? The answer is an unqualified, "Yes." According to organizational learning expert, Peter Senge:

"The Army's After Action Review is arguably one of the most successful organizational learning methods yet devised."

Thank you, Peter. How is it being used by businesses?

" ...it's startling how little of the Army's integrated approach to learning has carried over to the business world."

Anything else, Peter?

"Most every corporate effort to graft this truly innovative practice into their culture has failed because, again and again, people reduce the living practice of AARs to a sterile technique."

Even though AAR's have not gained traction at the organizational level, they can be used to great benefit in one-on-one coaching situations.

The Positive Coaching Alliance, which was founded by Jim Thompson, is a non-profit within the Stanford University Athletic Department. Its mission is Transforming Youth Sports So Sports Can Transform Youth. They carry out their mission by conducting live workshops for the leaders, coaches, parents, and athletes of youth sports organizations - from pre-school to high school.

In its workshop for parents, the PCA draws a map showing how they can frame and conduct learning conversations with their kids. Specifically, they list some questions parents can ask their kids to help them learn from a practice or game experience they just had. In other words, an AAR. In addition to letting kids think and decide things for themselves, this approach encourages parents to be servant leaders, or ones who see their role as bringing out the greatness that already resides within their kids, rather than trying to manufacture something that does not.

This is a great tool to add to your coaching tool box. It's simple and easy to remember and use. In the short term, it will serve as a catalyst for learning conversations. Over the long haul, it will bring out the very best the person you're coaching has to offer.

Conversation:

• What was the most enjoyable part of today's practice/game?
• What worked well?
• What didn't turn out so well?
• What did you learn that can help you in the future?
• Any thoughts on what you'd like to work on before the next game?
• Any thoughts on what you've learned that might help you in other parts of your life?

Afterwords:

"The task of leadership is not to put greatness into humanity, but to elicit it, for the greatness is already there." - John Buchan

"Coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them." - Tim Gallwey

"I never cease to be amazed at the power of the coaching process to draw out the skills or talent that was previously hidden within an individual, and which invariably finds a way to solve a problem previously thought unsolvable." - John Russell, Harley-Davidson Europe

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"To encourage, to comfort, to awaken, and to stretch those who find themselves riding this big ball as it screams thru time in the silence of space. To be a bridge, not a barricade. To be a link, not a lapse. To be a beacon and a bolster; not a bragger or a bummer. To help bring the corners of life's lips to their summit. To be a friend to those who find their fit a little awkward in this chaos society calls living." - Vess Barnes III

Simple Wisdom for Complex Times

I found the following statement on Tom Peters' website. These are Tom's words; he's talking about the task of supervising others:

"The great secret to people excellence is treat people with manifest respect and appreciation and trust, and give them a chance to express the best in themselves and dramatically broaden their horizons."

I've always admired Tom and deeply shared his views on various and sundry things. He prefers the simple as opposed to the complex, action over theory, and plain-talk over typical business vernacular. He is direct. He says what he has to say - like it or not; he doesn't tap-dance. What I resonant with most, though, and have tried my best to emulate, is his willingness to wander far and wide to find ideas from other disciplines and show how they can be applied in a business context.

In this spirit, I want to share a poem I found recently on a blog I visit on a regular basis. The blog is written by Angela Meiers, a former teacher who spends her time these days working as an independent consultant dedicated and committed to helping the Department of Education's schools, districts and teachers reach their goals in literacy and literacy education. The poem was written by Angela and is titled Promises. And, if you simply substitute the word boss for teacher, I think you'll find it to be a meaningful way to understand the kind of relationship most of us would like to have with the person to whom we report:

Dear Teacher,

Love me,
Make me feel special,
Make me feel included,
Make me feel valued,

Smile for me,
Tell me that you’re happy to see me,
Tell me that you’re happy to teach me,
Tell me that you’re happy I am here.

Involve me,
Tell me about our work together
Tell me how I can be of help and mean it genuinely

Notice me,
See all of me,
See my emotions, my laughter, my curiosity, my anticipation
See my right, and I will work on the “wrongs”

Teach me,
PLEEZE don’t just tell me what you know
Show me what I need to know,
Show me how to do it well

Help Me,
Help me when it gets hard,
Help me persevere,
Help me know it matters

Excite Me,
I came to you in love with learning
Keep me excited!
Show me the fun
Show me your fire and passion

Promise Me,
Promise me that you can.
Promise me that you will.
Promise me that you are ready to…

Love me, help me, engage me, excite me, and teach me
I'm Ready
I want to learn.
I want to know.
I want to be your student.

I PROMISE
I will return the favor
I will reward you with my attention, my focus, my heart
I will show you what I can do
I will show you who I can be

PROMISE ME?

Conversation:

• Can you tell a story of a teacher, coach or someone else outside your immediate family who treated you in the way expressed in the poem? What is the lasting impact your relationship with that person has had on your life?
  
• Can you see the poem as a summary of what you might be looking for in a supervisor? Have you ever worked for someone that treated you in this way? What stories can you tell about the effect that supervisor had on your life's journey?
  
• What other words besides boss can you substitute for teacher? Explain.
• Can you move way out to the edge and see the poem as a request a customer might make of a supplier? In other words, can you see a business-to-business application?
  

Afterwords:

"The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The more we live by our intellect, the less we understand the meaning of life." - Leo Tolstoy

"One brief way of describing the change which has taken place, in me, is to say that in my early professional years I was asking the question: 'How can I treat, or cure, or change this person?' Now I would phrase the question in this way: 'How can I provide a relationship, which this person may use for his own personal growth?'" - Carl Rogers, psychologist

"If I have all the eloquence of men or of angels, but speak without love, I am simply a gong booming or a cymbal clashing. If I have the gift of prophecy, understanding all the mysteries there are, and knowing everything, and if I have faith in all its fullness, to move mountains, but without love, then I am nothing at all. If I give away all that I possess, piece by piece, and if I even let them take my body to burn it, but am without love, it will do me no good whatever." - Saint Paul, Letter to the Corinthians